When I first became a teacher at 50, I wanted every student to like me.
That probably isn’t unusual. Most teachers want their students to enjoy the class, feel comfortable in the room and believe their teacher cares about them. I certainly did. I still do.
But somewhere along the way, I began to understand that being liked and being a good teacher are not always the same thing. Sometimes the thing a student wants most is not the thing that will help him most.
Students want extensions on assignments they had plenty of time to finish. They want another chance after ignoring the first several chances. They want to talk while someone else is speaking, use their phones when they should be working and receive a good grade because they tried—or because they meant to try.
Sometimes they want the teacher to look the other way.
It would certainly be easier to do that. There would be fewer arguments, fewer complaints and probably fewer students leaving the room muttering about how unfair I am.
But easy is not always helpful.
A teacher who truly cares about students has to be willing to tell them no. He has to enforce rules they may not like, assign work they may not enjoy and give grades that reflect what they actually did rather than what they hoped to do.
He also has to expect more from them than they sometimes expect from themselves. That does not always make a teacher popular.
I still care whether my students like me. I would be lying if I said otherwise. Teaching is much more enjoyable when students want to be in the room and believe you are on their side.
I also still worry about being misunderstood. Teachers have to. A comment can be repeated without its original tone or context, and suddenly you can find yourself sitting in front of the principal explaining what you actually said and what you meant by it.
That worry has not gone away. But I no longer worry about being every student’s favorite teacher.
I would rather be remembered as the teacher who was fair. The teacher who cared. The teacher who told the truth, kept his word and refused to give up on students even when they had begun giving up on themselves.
Sometimes students understand that while they are still sitting in your classroom. Sometimes they do not understand it until years later. And some may never understand it at all.
That is difficult, but it is part of the job.
My responsibility is not to make every student happy with every decision I make. My responsibility is to teach them, encourage them, challenge them and prepare them for what comes next.
So yes, I still hope my students like me. I just don’t worry anymore that they all have to.
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Copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.
If I had my life over I’d teach first rather than last. I came through the formal qualifications in my sixties as much as a tick box exercise to add to other academic qualifications, including education. Coaching swimmers for over twenty years had brought me the same insight. Ages 9 to 18 is a heck of a transformation to follow. Ages 14-17 can be the trickiest to negotiate!
I think this is probably a good way to be because I think we all need something different as learners, would you say?