This is the 20th of 25 special reflections based on lessons I learned from my mother. These will run from my birthday on October 27 until her birthday on November 20.

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Philippians 4:1-9

So many people think that the Christian life is drudgery. I remember thinking that if I became a Christian, my days of fun would be over, and my wife said that’s what kept her from accepting Christ for a while when she was a teenager. But when I think back about my mother, she lived a life of joy and laughter. She certainly never gave me the impression that following Christ meant giving up the things that made life enjoyable.

Yes, it was clean fun, because Christians should veer away from sin. But somewhere the lie was started that the only fun people could have was fun immersed in sin. Somehow, people got the idea that having a good time had to involve drunkenness, illegal drugs, illicit sex, profanity and law-breaking – or some combination of the above. But reflecting on my mother, I realize that she had a blast without needing any of those things. She didn’t need to abandon her Christian values to enjoy life. In fact, I think her faith was a big part of why she found so much joy in living.

Mom found enjoyment in the little things in life. She played with her children and grandchildren. When she was younger, she dabbled with community theatre and hosted a children’s show on a local TV station. She and my stepdad went on trips to fun places, and often they’d take us along. Some of my favorite memories are from trips to places like Hilton Head, Walt Disney World, the mountains of North Carolina or the Homestead in Virginia. What brought my mother the most enjoyment was seeing her family happy, and she loved being a part of that.

One thing I remember about Mom was that she was always engaged in whatever we were doing. She wasn’t just going through the motions to entertain her children. She was having fun herself. She wasn’t particularly competitive, and I’m sure she let us win a game or two along the way. Winning wasn’t important to her. Spending time together was. I can’t point to one particular moment from those vacations or games that stands out above all the others. It was the time together that mattered, and Mom seemed to understand that better than most people. She enjoyed spreading joy among the people she loved.

But I also believe Mom understood the importance of creating memories. She made recordings of us when we were children, capturing our little conversations and the sounds of our voices as we were growing up. Why go to the trouble of recording those moments unless she understood that someday they would be precious? She wanted to preserve them, but she wasn’t so busy making memories that she forgot to live in them. She was right there with us, enjoying every minute.

My daughter also has some of these same memories even though she was only 9 years old when Mom died. I think all of the grandchildren who are old enough to remember her have some of these memories because Mom took time to have fun with them in some way that was meaningful to each child. She showed them that there’s value in “play,” and as a result, some powerful playtime memories were cemented into each of her children and grandchildren.

And now that I’m a grandfather, I realize just how much of my mother lives on in the way I interact with my own grandchildren. Recently, I was listening to one of those old recordings of Mom talking with my brother Jeff and me when we were 3 and 8 years old. There was such tenderness in her voice. I can still hear her saying, “Oh, Doug. You’re getting so big. I’m so proud of you.” During a recent visit with my grandchildren, Sully and Aurelia, I caught myself saying those same things to them. And as the words came out of my mouth, I could hear my mother’s voice coming through me. Almost 20 years after her death, she’s still teaching me how to love my family.

I don’t remember Mom ever sitting us down and explaining the importance of having fun together. She didn’t need to. It was simply part of who she was. She created opportunities for us to enjoy life together, made sure those experiences became memories, and genuinely enjoyed every moment herself. Her example taught me that joy isn’t something we have to wait for. We can find it in the people God has placed in our lives, and we can share it with them. That’s a lesson worth passing along.

As we approach the holiday season, I hope that each of you will have a joyous season filled with fun and loving memories. Find the value in playtime, whether it’s with children or adults. Lifelong memories can come from a good card game or board game, and don’t even get me started on “Nertz.” (My Smith family knows how intense the fellowship can be in those games.) You don’t have to spend a fortune or plan some elaborate adventure to create memories that will last. Sometimes all it takes is being together, putting aside the distractions and enjoying the people around you.

Other than fun, the common denominator in these moments is always love. Mom understood that, and I think she also understood something about Paul’s instruction to rejoice in the Lord always. Joy isn’t a promise that life will always be easy or that we’ll never experience sadness. It’s something deeper, rooted in our relationship with the Lord and reflected in our relationships with one another. When we’re enjoying each moment in love for each other and for the Lord, the memories will last a lifetime and beyond. And sometimes, if we’re fortunate, those memories will come back to us years later in the sound of our own voices.

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Reflection copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.