What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

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If I could go back and give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be this: Stop overthinking everything and worrying so much about what other people think of you. You’re missing out on a lot of life.

When I was younger — and probably for a lot longer than I’d like to admit — I spent entirely too much time worrying about how other people would view my decisions. Would they think I was foolish? Would they make fun of me? Would I embarrass myself? Sometimes I was so worried about what might happen that I never gave myself a chance to find out what could happen.

Dating was probably the best example. There were girls I really liked but never asked out because I was afraid my friends might give me a hard time about it. Apparently, the opinions of a bunch of other guys who didn’t have girlfriends were more important than the possibility of actually having one myself. Looking back, I’m not sure that was the brightest strategy.

And then there was the fear of rejection. That little two-letter word, “No,” had an amazing amount of power over me. Rather than risk hearing it, I’d simply avoid asking the question. So I stayed home a lot, hanging out with friends who were pretty much in the same boat. We weren’t exactly setting the world on fire.

The frustrating thing is that when I did finally work up the courage to put myself out there, the results were sometimes pretty negative. Rejection hurts. Embarrassment hurts. And when you’ve already convinced yourself that taking a chance is dangerous, a bad experience just reinforces the idea that you were right to be afraid in the first place.

It’s a vicious cycle. You avoid taking chances because you’re afraid of getting hurt. When you finally take one and it doesn’t work out, you retreat even further into your comfort zone. Before long, you’ve built yourself a nice, comfortable little prison, and you’re the one holding the key.

Now, I’m not suggesting that all fear is bad. Fear of poisonous snakes, speeding cars, and people waving loaded guns around is probably a pretty healthy thing. Some fears keep us alive. But others keep us from really living.

And that’s the distinction I wish I’d understood when I was younger.

Sometimes life requires a big leap of faith. Maybe it’s asking someone out. Maybe it’s pursuing a new career, moving somewhere unfamiliar, ending an unhealthy relationship, or walking away from a situation that’s making you miserable. There’s no guarantee that taking the leap will work out. You might fall flat on your face. But there’s also no guarantee that staying where you are will make you happy. In fact, sometimes staying put is the worst decision you can make.

I have a pretty good example of what can happen when you don’t let fear make your decisions. Eleven years ago, I took one of the biggest leaps of faith of my life. I’d lived in the same place for 21 years, but I packed up and moved to Jacksonville to begin a new life with Daryl. Yesterday, October 10, marked the 11th anniversary of our church wedding. (We actually got married at the Cobb County courthouse on August 10, 2015, but we celebrate both anniversaries. Why settle for one?)

Think about that for a moment. What if I’d let fear stop me? What if I’d been too worried about leaving behind everything familiar, starting over somewhere new, or taking a chance on a future I couldn’t possibly predict? How much life would I have missed?

I don’t regret that decision for an instant. I miss my daughter like crazy, and now that I have grandchildren, I wish I could see them more often. That’s a very real price of the decision I made. But I simply cannot imagine my life without Daryl in it. She’s been part of my life for eleven years of adventures, experiences, challenges, and memories that never would have happened if I’d been too afraid to take that chance.

Thank God I didn’t let fear get in the way of that.

I’ve come to realize that courage isn’t the absence of fear. It’s deciding that what you might gain is worth risking what you might lose. And that’s a lesson I wish I’d learned a whole lot earlier.

Fear. It sucks. And it sucks the life out of fun things. It steals opportunities, keeps us trapped in situations we ought to escape, and convinces us that the possibility of failure is somehow worse than the certainty of never trying.

So here’s what I’d tell that younger version of myself: Quit worrying so much about what everybody else thinks. Ask the girl out. Take the chance. Make the change. If somebody laughs, let them laugh. If somebody says no, life goes on. And if things don’t work out, at least you’ll know you tried.

Sometimes you just have to look your fears squarely in the eye and tell them to go to hell.

Just make sure the poisonous snake isn’t one of them.

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Copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.