Tell us about your morning routine.

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Today’s WordPress question asks about my morning routine. I’m not sure the word “routine” really applies to what I do. A routine suggests some sort of organization, planning and deliberate execution. What I have is more of a loosely coordinated series of events that, with a little luck, results in my arriving at work fully clothed and reasonably close to on time.

It starts with waking up. Sort of. I don’t so much wake up as gradually become aware that I’m no longer entirely asleep. There’s a period of negotiation between my brain and the rest of my body, during which neither side seems particularly interested in getting out of bed. Eventually, reality wins, and I stumble into the shower. From there, it’s a pretty straightforward process: shower, brush my teeth, apply deodorant and get dressed. Nothing fancy. No elaborate grooming regimen. Just the basic steps necessary to make myself presentable to a room full of teenagers who will undoubtedly find something wrong with my appearance anyway.

Breakfast? That’s ambitious. I might grab some leftovers to take for lunch. I might make myself a SodaStream to drink during the day. I might do both. Or I might do neither and simply walk out the door, trusting that Future Doug will figure something out. Future Doug, incidentally, is getting pretty tired of being handed all of Present Doug’s problems.

Before leaving, however, there’s one essential ritual that I never skip. It’s the old “spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch” inspection, although my version involves making sure I have my glasses, keys, wallet and watch. The traditional rhyme isn’t entirely accurate anymore, but it remains an effective way to make sure I haven’t left something important behind. There’s nothing quite like arriving at school and discovering that the one item you desperately need is still sitting on the dresser at home. Especially when it’s the car keys, although that generally presents a problem considerably earlier in the process.

Once I’ve successfully completed my personal inventory, I climb into the car and head to work. The commute usually includes some old-time radio, which allows me to enjoy entertainment from an era when people could tell an entire story without using a single profanity, or some music, depending on my mood. It’s probably the most peaceful part of my morning. Nobody needs a bathroom pass, nobody is asking whether we’re doing anything today, and nobody has yet informed me that the assignment I spent an hour preparing is boring.

I know what you’re thinking. Where’s the exercise? The meditation? The healthy breakfast? The inspirational podcast? Where’s the carefully planned morning routine designed to maximize productivity and set the tone for a successful day? All excellent questions. I’ve considered adding some of those things, and perhaps one day I will. But right now, my primary morning fitness activity is getting out of bed, my meditation consists of staring blankly into space while my brain boots up, and my daily affirmation is something along the lines of, “Well, here we go again.”

So there you have it. My weekday morning routine. No sunrise yoga, no five-mile run, no green smoothie, and certainly no motivational speech in front of the bathroom mirror. Just a shower, some clean clothes, a quick inventory of my belongings and a drive to school. It may not be the sort of routine that inspires a best-selling self-help book, but it has one significant advantage.

So far, it’s gotten me to work every day.

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