If aliens arrived tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d ask them?

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If aliens arrived tomorrow, I already know the first thing I’d ask them.

“Do you have anything on your planet as annoying as the questions WordPress asks us?”

I realize humanity would probably be standing on the brink of the greatest discovery in its history. Scientists would want to know how they traveled across the universe. Governments would want to know what they wanted. Theologians would have questions. Philosophers would have questions. Reporters would have approximately 14 billion questions.

And I’d want to know whether extraterrestrials also have a website that asks them things like, “What would you do if you woke up tomorrow and gravity worked sideways?”

Once I got that out of my system, though, I think my next question would be considerably more serious:

“Why are you here?”

Because if these aliens have figured out how to travel across interstellar space while we’re still arguing about whether people should use their turn signals, I’m going to assume they didn’t make the trip because they heard Earth has some really good restaurants.

And I’m probably not going to immediately assume they’re our new best friends, either. I’ve watched too much science fiction for that.

In The Twilight Zone episode “To Serve Man,” the aliens arrive appearing peaceful and helpful. They solve humanity’s problems, offer advanced technology and invite people to visit their planet. Everybody is thrilled. Unfortunately, the title of their book, To Serve Man, turns out to mean something entirely different than everyone thought.

It’s a cookbook.

Then there’s Independence Day, where the gigantic spaceships hovering over our cities aren’t exactly bringing gift baskets. War of the Worlds doesn’t inspire much confidence, either. And if the visitors happen to look suspiciously like people we already know, I’ve seen Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I’m staying awake.

Science fiction has trained me poorly for welcoming extraterrestrial visitors.

Maybe that’s unfair. Maybe they really would arrive peacefully. Maybe a civilization advanced enough to cross the galaxy would have moved beyond war, greed and conquest. But technology and morality aren’t the same thing.

Human beings have become dramatically better at traveling, communicating, building and destroying things over the past few thousand years. I’m not convinced we’ve become equally better at treating one another.

So if something considerably more advanced than us suddenly appeared in the sky, I wouldn’t immediately assume that technological superiority meant benevolence. I’d be fascinated. I’d want to know where they came from, how they got here and whether they’ve found other civilizations.

But before we started exchanging recipes, technology or invitations to visit their home planet, I’d still want one question answered.

“So…what exactly do you want?”

And if one of them handed me a book titled To Serve Man, I’m running.

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Copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.