If I’m honest, the experiences that helped me grow the most weren’t the victories.
We love to point to our successes as proof of progress. Promotions. Awards. Milestones. Anniversaries. Those moments feel like growth because they’re visible. They’re measurable. They come with applause.
But the truth is, the moments that shaped me most didn’t come with applause.
They came with silence.
Losing a job early in my career hurt more than I let on at the time. I remember the sting of it — the embarrassment, the self-doubt, the quiet fear about what came next. But that loss forced me to look in the mirror. It made me ask hard questions. Was I working as hard as I could? Was I coasting? Was I bringing enough value to the table? I decided then that if I was going to be somewhere, I was going to matter there. I was going to make myself invaluable. That lesson stuck.
Losing my parents — including my stepfather — changed me in a different way. Grief has a way of rearranging your priorities. When you realize you can’t call someone anymore, can’t ask one more question, can’t hear their voice again, you start paying closer attention to the people who are still here. I learned that relationships aren’t automatic. They require intention. They require staying in touch, even when life gets busy. They require forgiveness. I don’t always get that right, but I value it more deeply because I’ve felt the absence.
Divorce was another painful classroom. No one walks into marriage expecting it to end. When it does, you’re left sorting through pieces — what you did well, what you didn’t, what you should have seen, what you should have said. It forced me to confront my own shortcomings. It forced me to understand what makes a marriage strong: communication, humility, daily investment, shared faith, shared purpose. Those weren’t just concepts after that. They became commitments.
Even moving to Jacksonville later in life — leaving behind familiarity and stepping into something new — stretched me. Starting over at 48 isn’t something you script in your twenties. But growth rarely comes from comfort. It comes from stepping into the unknown and trusting that God is writing something bigger than the chapter you’re currently in.
Pain is a good teacher. I just wish the tuition wasn’t so high.
If I could choose, I’d rather grow through joy. Through celebration. Through ease. But the reality is that some of the deepest roots only form when the ground has been broken up. Failure humbles us. Loss refocuses us. Heartbreak refines us.
I wouldn’t volunteer to relive those hard seasons. But I wouldn’t erase them either.
They made me who I am.
Copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.
