It’s easy to look back on life and play the if only game.
If only this hadn’t happened.
If only I’d been dealt a better hand.
But the longer I live, the more I’m convinced that everyone—without exception—gets dealt a bad hand at some point. Sometimes more than one. Hard seasons are not the outliers in life; they’re part of the design. What separates us isn’t the difficulty of the circumstances but what we choose to do once we’re standing in the middle of them.
A year ago, I wrote about this in more theoretical terms. Now, with one more year of perspective, it feels more personal.
Loss has a way of sharpening your vision. Time has a way of stripping away illusions—especially the illusion that tomorrow is guaranteed. Since I last answered this question, I’ve buried people I thought I’d have longer with. I’ve felt the weight of moments that don’t get a redo. And I’ve realized that some lessons only arrive when you’d rather they hadn’t shown up at all.
I used to think perspective came from reflection alone. Now I know it also comes from endurance.
Significant life events don’t just change what you believe—they change what matters. Petty grievances lose their power. Old resentments feel heavy and unnecessary. You start paying attention to quieter victories: a former student who tells you that you mattered, a conversation you didn’t rush, a day you showed up even when it would’ve been easier not to.
Time also has a way of humbling you. You see your missteps more clearly, but you also extend yourself more grace. You realize that becoming who you’re supposed to be is less about avoiding mistakes and more about refusing to let them be the final word.
I still believe what I wrote last year: our worst moments don’t define us—our response to them does. But I’d add this now: perspective isn’t something you arrive at once and keep forever. It’s something that keeps being reshaped, often by things you never would have chosen.
If I’ve learned anything, it’s this—life doesn’t demand perfection. It asks for resilience. It asks for growth. And, sometimes, it simply asks that you keep going, even when the road ahead looks nothing like the one you imagined.
That understanding didn’t come quickly.
It came with time.
And it came at a cost.
Copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.
