So let’s just do a quick summary.

Hideous? ✅
Expensive? ✅
Impractical? ✅

Self-driving functions? Sure, we’ll check that box.
Could serve as the vehicle in a Back to the Future reboot without changing a single line of dialogue? Absolutely.

Other than that… why?

That’s the question I’ve never been able to answer. And I’ve been looking at these things for years now. The Cybertruck has been out long enough that we’re past the “early adopter” phase and well into the “okay, so this is actually happening” phase. I think I’ve waited this long to write about it because I kept assuming that at some point, it would click. That I’d finally understand the appeal.

It hasn’t.

I’ll admit this up front: I’d like to drive one someday, just out of curiosity. I want to know what it feels like. I want to know how it handles. I want to see the tech in action. But nothing I’ve seen so far makes me think, Yes, this is the vehicle for me. Not even close.

For context, I drive a 2023 Honda CR-V hybrid. It’s not sexy. It doesn’t turn heads. It also doesn’t look like it escaped from a PlayStation 2 cutscene. What it does do is get me where I’m going. I can drive it to Atlanta without thinking about it. I could drive it to California if I wanted to. And I’d probably arrive two or three days before someone in a Cybertruck because I don’t have to stop every 200 miles and wait around for my car to finish thinking.

I stop every 350 miles. I spend five minutes filling up. Then I keep going.

Yes, I know — superchargers are fast. But “fast” is relative. Over the course of a long road trip, those stops add up to hours. And hours. And hours. Meanwhile, my luggage is in the back, my seats fold down just fine, and we’re having a pleasant trip.

“But the Cybertruck has all that space!”

So do a lot of vehicles that don’t look like a stainless steel filing cabinet fell off a loading dock.

And the price. Good grief, the price. I paid about half of what a Cybertruck costs. Half. For a vehicle that does everything I need it to do, without special care instructions, without worrying about fingerprints, scratches, or whether I’m allowed to run it through a car wash like every other truck in America.

That part still gets me. A truck you can’t wash like a truck.

Which brings us back to the central issue: it’s not a good truck, and it’s not a good car. It’s a toy masquerading as a truck. A very expensive toy. One that seems designed less for hauling, towing, or working, and more for being seen.

And boy, is it seen.

They’re everywhere in Jacksonville. I know they didn’t sell particularly well overall, but I see them constantly here. I saw one just this morning — the gold one, with Cybertruck splashed across the side like it had been spray-painted on. My first thought was, Who would vandalize their own vehicle like that?

Then I realized — no. That’s not vandalism. That’s a feature. Someone paid extra for that. Paid money to make their $80,000 truck look like it had been tagged by a bored teenager.

Mind-numbing.

Now, to be clear: I have nothing against Tesla. I have nothing against Elon Musk. My son-in-law has a Tesla, and it’s a genuinely nice family car. They drove it down for Thanksgiving, and yes, they had to stop twice to charge it, which took a while — but riding in it is impressive. Watching it steer, watching the tech work, seeing how ready it is for the future — that part is undeniably cool.

The technology is amazing. And hopefully, a lot of it will trickle down into more affordable cars, because it really is impressive.

But the Cybertruck?

Cyber fail.
Cyber foolishness.

Hideous. Boxy. High-maintenance. Overpriced. Impractical. Something that costs $80,000 and can’t decide whether it wants to be a truck, a car, or a prop from a low-budget sci-fi movie.

So again, I ask — genuinely — what’s the allure? Why would you spend that kind of money on something that does so little of what a truck is supposed to do? Something that’s this impractical, this finicky, this aggressively unattractive?

I don’t get it. I’ve tried to get it. I’ve waited years to see if I’d get it.

I still don’t.

And maybe that’s the answer right there.

Copyright © 2025 by Doug DeBolt.