Whenever someone asks, “Where would you go on a shopping spree?” I feel like there are some important details missing.
For example: whose money are we talking about?
If it’s my money, that’s not a shopping spree. That’s just… shopping. Careful shopping. The kind where you stand there holding an item, check the price tag, put it back, pick it up again, check the price tag again, and eventually convince yourself you probably didn’t need it anyway.
But if someone else is paying, then we need to establish some ground rules before we begin. Either a spending limit, a time limit, or both.
Because if you turn me loose with an unlimited credit card and no clock running, things could get out of hand pretty quickly.
Now, people who know me might assume the real danger would be a bookstore. And they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. I can wander through a bookstore for hours. Especially the good ones—the places with old wooden shelves, ladders leaning against the wall, and that wonderful smell of paper and ink that tells you you’re standing in the presence of ideas.
But honestly, a bookstore probably wouldn’t break the bank. No, the real danger would be a liquor store with a great bourbon selection.
You know the kind of place I’m talking about.
The shelves stretch from one end of the wall to the other. Bottles you’ve heard about but never actually seen in person. Store picks with handwritten tags. Limited releases sitting quietly on the shelf like they’re waiting for someone to notice them.
That’s the sort of place where your inner voice starts saying very dangerous things.
“Well, I’ve always wanted to try that one.”
“Better grab it before it disappears.”
“And really, at that price, it would be irresponsible not to buy two.”
You start doing mental math that would make an accountant weep.
“Well, if I buy three bottles at $80 each, that’s basically the same as buying one really expensive bottle.”
And then, of course, there’s the logic that every bourbon enthusiast understands:
“You can’t just buy one. What if you like it?”
Next thing you know, you’re standing at the counter with a shopping cart that looks like you’re preparing for a very sophisticated natural disaster. The clerk is giving you that look that says, “Buddy, are you opening a bar?”
And the truth is, if nobody has stopped you yet, you’re probably not done. Because now you’re thinking about backups. After all, if something is good, it’s wise to have another bottle for later.
And maybe one more after that. Just in case.
So yes, I could absolutely go on a shopping spree.
But if someone is paying the bill, they would be wise to set a few boundaries first. Otherwise they may discover that an English teacher with a fondness for bourbon can wear out an unlimited credit card faster than anyone expects.
And if there happens to be a bookstore next door. Well, that would just be irresponsible planning on their part.
Copyright © 2026 Doug DeBolt.
