I did this last year — the 11 worst Christmas songs of all time — and figured it was worth revisiting to see whether any new contenders deserved a spot… and whether a few songs needed to move up or down the list.
Before we begin, a reminder: this list is entirely subjective. Honestly, we could probably do a worst 100 Christmas songs of all time, but I tried to narrow it down to the ones that truly make my teeth grind and actively make the season worse. I’m sure some of you will agree with me, others will vehemently disagree, and a few of you will question my sanity altogether.
All I ask is that you consider my reasoning before firing off hate mail — remember, it is Christmastime, so try to be a little charitable.
What’s Not on the List
Once again, I’ve left off the song that seems to top nearly every “worst Christmas songs” list: NewSong’s “Christmas Shoes.” I know — I know. But I have a soft spot for it, perhaps because I once ended up singing it in church during a Christmas program. That kind of emotional blackmail works on me.
I’ve also spared novelty favorites like Gayla Peevey’s “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” and “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth.” And while its modern cringe factor is undeniable, the Jackson 5’s “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” just misses the cut.
That said, here are the 11 that made the list.
11. “Last Christmas” – Wham!
Yes, I know. Including this song immediately calls my judgment into question for some of you.
But here’s the issue: “Last Christmas” has nothing to do with Christmas. The holiday is simply a timestamp for a breakup. This song could just as easily be titled Last Easter, Last Birthday, or Last St. Swithin’s Under the Bush Day.
What exactly is Christmassy about a guy saying, “Last year on Christmas I was in love with you, and you crushed my soul — but this year I’m totally over you… despite the fact that I’m still singing about you a year later”?
And let me add this as a teacher: once you’ve heard several dozen middle-schoolers sing this song almost on key, but not quite, you’ll never hear it the same way again. It’s too well known, sung too poorly, and thematically hollow. Like it if you want — just don’t call it a good Christmas song.
10. “Wonderful Christmastime” – Paul McCartney
Lennon & McCartney together were musical magic. Apart, neither quite reached the same heights.
John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)” escapes this list because its message is at least meaningful. McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime,” on the other hand, is mind-numbingly inane. When the “choir of children sing their song” — which consists entirely of “ding dong ding dong ding dong” — I can’t change the channel fast enough.
9. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” – pick any duo
This song worked in context — in a 1949 movie where social conventions mattered and the situation flipped genders halfway through. Out of context, it gets creepy fast.
Once you remove the cinematic framing and have Dean Martin, Michael Bublé, or Seth MacFarlane crooning lines like “Say, what’s in this drink?”, things go sideways. Please, Santa — no roofies for Christmas.
8. “Santa Baby” – pick one
This song has been covered endlessly, and I genuinely don’t understand why. It’s not playful greed from a child — it’s an adult woman trying to be sultry while listing increasingly extravagant demands: sable coats, yachts, platinum mines, and Tiffany decorations.
Eartha Kitt originated it, and if you want to fully ruin the experience, watch her scenes in Boomerang and then listen to this song again. A close second in offensiveness is the Pussycat Dolls’ version. Truly un-merry.
7. “Dominick the Donkey” – Lou Monte
This feels less like a Christmas tradition and more like a marketing experiment that accidentally worked.
Apparently, Santa needs a special Italian donkey to deliver presents in Italy because reindeer — capable of flying around the globe — can’t handle hills. Got it, my paesans?
6. “Back Door Santa” – Bon Jovi
Any song titled “Back Door Santa” is already on thin ice.
The original Clarence Carter version at least has bluesy charm. Bon Jovi strips away the cool and leaves us with a hair-metal anthem about sneaking around with married women. Festive.
5. “Funky, Funky Xmas” – New Kids on the Block
Every artist eventually records a Christmas album. Sometimes they shouldn’t.
This song repeats “funky Christmas” roughly 20 times, which feels excessive even by boy-band standards. Imagine eagerly buying the album only to get this sandwiched between “White Christmas” and “The Christmas Song.”
4. “Christmas Conga” – Cyndi Lauper
Is the conga a Christmas tradition anywhere on Earth? No? Then why does this song exist?
“Come on and hold my hips a little longer…” is not something I ever needed connected to the birth of Christ. There are enough legitimate traditions without inventing new ones involving unwanted dance lines.
3. “Christmas Tree” – Lady Gaga
This is not “O Christmas Tree.”
It’s a 2008 Gaga song loaded with sexual innuendo, sampling legitimate carols for no discernible reason. Lines like “Light me up, put me on top” and “My Christmas tree is delicious” make most listeners instinctively respond with a unified “Ew.”
2. “Don’t Shoot Me Santa” – The Killers
Because what Christmas really needs is Santa Claus as a vengeful bounty hunter.
This song features murder, resentment, and Santa wielding a gun. It’s bleak, joyless, and wildly inappropriate for the season — unless your version of Christmas involves cold-blooded retribution.
1. “Santa Claus (Has Got the AIDS This Year)” – Tiny Tim
This song is so astonishingly bad that I’m shocked it exists at all.
Tiny Tim spends a full minute explaining how he came up with it — which somehow doesn’t help — before launching into lyrics that combine Christmas cheer with a deadly disease. It’s offensive, tasteless, and irredeemable.
Nothing has dethroned it. Nothing likely ever will.
Honorable Mention
“Oh Holy Night(mare)” – Steve Mauldin
Recorded as a joke during a church choir break, mistakenly released into the wild, and passed around as if it were sincere — this version gets worse with every passing measure. If you haven’t heard it, proceed with caution.
Final Thought
Here’s my guiding principle: songs about Christmas should actually lean into the season. They should reflect joy, reverence, wonder, or at least the spirit of the holiday — not just hijack the word “Christmas” as a convenient lyric.
That’s why “Last Christmas” could just as easily be Last Easter, and “All I Want for Christmas Is You” could be All I Want for Literally Anything. Once you’ve heard a few dozen sixth graders sing it almost in tune, you realize the song’s greatest crime isn’t overexposure — it’s emptiness.
For your listening convenience (or recklessness), I’ve compiled all of these into a Spotify playlist. And if you’d rather cleanse your ears afterward, I’m also linking my “Almost Yacht Rock Christmas” playlist — a far safer choice for your sanity.
Copyright © 2025 Doug DeBolt
