This is the 25th of 25 special reflections based on lessons I learned from my mother. These will run from my birthday on October 27 until her birthday on November 20.
Read
“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.”
John 14:1-3
Reflect
My mother taught us a lot of lessons during her 67 years on this planet. For the most part, she taught us how to live a happy and joyous life each day. But her final lesson is something that each of us will face only once and at the very end. In the last six weeks of her life, Mom showed us how to die with faith and dignity.
In early June 2007, Mom got the news from the doctor that her cancer was going to be terminal and that it was just a matter of time. They said they might be able to prolong her life by six months with one more course of aggressive treatment, but she decided that she’d had enough. Instead of living six months in misery from the effects of chemotherapy, Mom opted to spend whatever time she had left in her home, surrounded by family and friends.
The first thing she did was to write letters to all of her children and grandchildren to let them know that she loved them – and that the Lord loved them even more. Each of us had special and personal insights, such as this one in my letter:
“Doug, I could write a book to you, but this is just a note to say that I thank God for the gift of you. I have no worries about our reunion. I hope it’s decades away, but how joyous it will be!”
With her final words to her family sealed in envelopes, Mom set to work making final arrangements. She ensured that all of her important documents were accessible, including her plans for her own funeral. Yes, Mom made sure that even the music and scriptures for her farewell service were clear. A lot of people might not realize what a gift that is, but when the family is grieving after the loss of a loved one, details like what to do for a funeral can seem overwhelming. Mom took that burden off of us by handling it before she died.
When the end came and Mom passed in the early evening hours on July 30, she was surrounded by her family. I vividly remember the moment she took her last breath. My brother raised his hands toward the ceiling and proclaimed, “Praise the Lord.” His exclamation was out of relief that she was no longer in pain, but it was so perfectly timed because Mom was indeed in the presence of her Savior, and she would have wanted us to praise the Lord in that moment.
Three days later, we gathered for her funeral at St. Jude’s Church in Marietta, Ga. I remember talking with her about the decision to hold the service there because I thought it would be too small. I expected hundreds to show up, but Mom told me, “Honey, there aren’t going to be many people there. People have lives to live. They won’t have time for my service. You’ll see that it will be just fine.” For once, I’m glad that Mom was wrong.
On August 2, the sanctuary at St. Jude’s overflowed so much that we had to run an audio and video feed in the parish hall. At least 400 people attended Mom’s home-going service, and while it was a painful time for us, it was also amazing to see the impact she had on the lives of so many people. I don’t know how many cars followed us to the cemetery, but the line seemed endless. The lady who lived her years outside of the limelight received the send-off of a celebrity.
One of the most fitting moments of the day was something Mom hadn’t planned. We had arranged for a woman with trained doves to bring them to the graveside where we read a passage about how Mom was being united with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. As I read the start of the passage, three of the doves were released together and they began to circle the cemetery. A little later the fourth dove was released and it began to search for the other three. After about a minute, the four doves found each other and they flew off into the sky. It was a reminder that Mom wasn’t in the casket next to us, but instead was with the Lord she had served for so many years.
Too many people live for the moment, and they scratch and claw for every second they can get. You probably see people each day who care nothing about what they do to other people as long as they “get theirs.” I’m so grateful that my mother spent her life – including her final days – sowing into the lives of the people God brought across her path. Whether or not I get a celebrity’s send-off at the end of my days, I hope that my legacy is similar to my mother’s. Her epitaph reads, “Beloved servant of Jesus and family.” Nothing could be more accurate, and that’s a goal and description worth pursuing.
Reflection copyright © 2025 Doug DeBolt.
