This is the third of 25 special reflections based on lessons I learned from my mother. These will run from my birthday on October 27 until her birthday on November 20.
Read
Whoever spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24
Reflect
Mom was never much for corporal punishment. It wasn’t that she was opposed to it. She just found it hard to actually “spank” her children.
Spanking wasn’t even a word we used in our home. The word was “train.” The Bible talks about “training up a child in the way he should go,” so anything the parent does to teach their child right from wrong is “training.” So swats on the rear end were training and so was grounding us when we got older. One of the harshest things you could do to me back then was to deprive me of television. There may have only been four or five channels, but I did enjoy watching whatever was on.
There was one time I remember Mom not hesitating to raise her hand. I have no idea what we were talking about, but I know what I did. And I know what she did in response to what I did. I was probably five years old and Mom was telling me to do something that I didn’t want to do. I was feeling pretty defiant at that moment, so I raised my chin squarely up to show her that I wasn’t moving. Before I knew it, I felt the sting of her hand. She instinctively slapped my face, and I remember being more than shocked. It wasn’t a hard slap – just hard enough to let me know that I shouldn’t ever do that again.
And I never did.
Some people will say that Mom did the wrong thing that day, and she might agree with you. When I with her about that moment years later, she said that she was very sorry for raising her hand to me that way. Then she would smile and say, “But when you raised your chin to me, it was such an inviting target!”
What I learned from Mom that day is that children need discipline. Parents might not always be perfect in the way that they teach that lesson, but it’s a lesson that absolutely has to be taught. Children will instinctively try to get away with as much as you allow them to get away with. The only way they’ll ever learn things like honor, respect, decency and fairness is if a parent (or parents) teaches them. I needed more training after that incident, but it was never about disrespecting my parents. That day, Mom was teaching me to never disrespect my mother and to instead show her the honor she deserved.
Reflection copyright © 2025 Doug DeBolt.
