If there’s one lesson I wish I had learned earlier, it’s this: listening is far more important than speaking.

My mom tried to teach me that when I was young. She reminded me that dominating a conversation means you miss the gift of hearing what others are actually saying. I wish I had absorbed that sooner.

These days I see how desperately our country needs that same lesson. In my classroom, I watch students talk over one another, voices rising until they’re practically shouting from just a few feet apart. In a restaurant recently, I saw the same thing — people talking on top of each other so loudly it was almost painful to sit nearby.

On a much more serious scale, we’ve seen the consequences of what happens when listening breaks down completely. In the wake of the shooting of Charlie Kirk, I can’t help but think how dangerous it is when disagreements move from words to violence. Whatever you think of his views, he gave people the opportunity to challenge him publicly and respond. That’s dialogue. That’s part of what makes democracy work.

And here’s the thing: even people who rarely agreed with him — like Bill Maher — enjoyed conversations with him. They sparred, they disagreed, but they listened to each other. That’s how dialogue should look: two people with very different worldviews, finding common ground in the simple respect of hearing the other out.

That’s why I’ve been drawn to programs like StoryCorps’ One Small Step, which pairs people of very different political and social views, not to argue, but to listen. To learn that we’re more alike than we realize.

I wish I had learned earlier that listening isn’t just polite. It’s essential. For classrooms, for communities, for families, and for a country that needs more common ground. I’m trying to honor my mom — and to honor that lesson — by being part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Copyright © 2025 Doug DeBolt.